Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
