too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
