don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
