Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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