Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
