please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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