you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
