I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
