i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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