we're blogging at a bar
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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