so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
