real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
