guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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