I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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