Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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