if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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