when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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