She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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