Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
