Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
