He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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