ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
did you just send me my own nude
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
