He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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