The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
