Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
