Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
