opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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