When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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