She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
