yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
