what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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