I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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