She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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