I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
