She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
