Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
