you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
