Cold hands, warm shart.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
