Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
