i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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