just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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