Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
