My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
