i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
