Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
