EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
