I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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