Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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