I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Houston, we have a squirter
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
