I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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