Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
