fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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