if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
