I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
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he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
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My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I currently don't understand fingers.
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