You don't have asthma, your pregnant
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
