How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
