sarcasm needs its own font
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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