i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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