I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
