You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
