put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
do herpes really smell.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
