you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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