Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
