I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You smell like stripper and shame
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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