Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
