I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
