chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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