Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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