To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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