peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
