You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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