Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
