i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
